when i was seven, we sold everything we owned. the house, the furniture, the wedding china, our toys, everything. we desperately needed the money, and then we had nothing.

and that�s why this is all so hard for me. i'm broke. but i can't accept your money. it's just not right. i am eighteen years old, this shouldn't be happening. i never ask for money. but how do i turn down one hundred dollars when there are nine measly dollars in my checking account? i can't. i didn't.

and what a horrible person i am. all one hundred dollars were to go into my checking. but only sixty will make it. twenty was spent on weed. another twenty was spent on frivolous things. coffee, cigarettes, and i can't even remember the rest.

i am so upset with myself. all i ever do is let you down. all i do is disappoint. whether it be this, or the drugs, or the self-destructive bullshit. i will never be good enough.

joni mitchell: california
feeling down