pardon my frequent updates. i've just been thinking a lot lately.

what if no one ever sees anything in me? what if i never find someone who can handle me? it's just...everyday i get hit on. by these ignorant men (and yes, i do mean men). men who would hate me if they knew anything about me. they're only looking for a quick fuck. and frankly, i'm just not interested. i'm too emotionally charged for that. i think i proved that with jason.

if i keep pushing everyone away, i'll be alone forever. i couldn't take that. but i don't know how to change this. how do i make myself trust? how do i let people in? i don't want to let anyone in. it's not fair to them. i could never look someone in the eye and tell them all the bad things. i just couldn't.

i may just have to get use to being alone.

silverchair: untitled
feeling thoughtful