sometimes...you just get to a point where all you can do is wonder. because there's just nothing left to do.

i've been wondering why i push everyone away. and why my family has this unhealthy attachment to me (how could they still want me after everything i've put them through?) and i've been wondering why i feel so worthless and dejected. i used to feel elated. what happened to that?

it's probably the stress. or the thoughts of unavoidable death. or maybe i really am all the things i think i am.

feeder - high
feeling low