i don't know why i have such a hard time opening up to you. it should be easy. i know that nothing i could ever say would make you stop loving me. i myself am the only thing that could make you stop.

you say i never open up. never show that i care. never say i love you. and i don't. i'm just not the type. but i know that when i show emotion, when i let myself cry to you, it makes you feel close to me. you leave me voicemails saying that if i need to talk, that i can call anytime.

but it's hard. because you make me so happy. and when i let my guard down, when i tell you what i feel and what i'm thinking, things feel off balance. because you were never the one i went to when i had problems. when i was feeling low. you were the one i went to when i wanted to pretend that i didn't. and i don't know if i'm ready to let you get too involved with the whirlwind that is me.

i just can't risk losing another friend to the turmoil.