when i was young, i had morals. i still thought things were wrong. i said i'd never drink or do drugs. i was saving myself for marriage. and what an ignorant child i was. i only delayed the inevitable for a few years. i fell into everything i promised i wouldn't.

and now my opinions mean nothing. my words are irrelevant in all situations. i gave up my morals. i got a shitty reputation. (one friend said i was the most likely to end up in jail. another said i was the most likely to commit suicide.) now i cannot think that things are wrong. i am not allowed that privilege. i gave it up. and as horrible and unfair as that is, it really is true.

i've done drugs. i can't tell other people to cut down, to stop. i drank myself numb. i can't count anyone else�s drinks but mine. i had sex with the first boy who told me i was beautiful. i can't tell friends not to sleep around. it makes them look bad.

and my only hope is that one-day i will be in a place where no one knows the past. i'll regain all the things i lost. i'll get to have an opinion and no one will look down on me. i'll get to be the person that i always meant to be.

khia: k-wang
feeling exhausted