and when i look in the mirror, i can truly say that i just feel sad. hopeless. i can't change anything. not even my appearence.

i've been starving these three weeks in hopes for...something. anything. a change that would remind me that i am still in control of myself. but there is no change, and i am simply starving and dehydrated.

my days are bleeding into one. this morning i overslept. missed my first class. got semi-stoned and went to my second class. and here i am again. faced with an empty day. homework i'll put off until much later. rather than face the day, i'll sleep for hours. until someone calls and wakes me up. because i never show up for plans. i always forget. i never care enough to remember.

i don't know why this is happening. it's not fair. why can't i wake up tomorrow and just be like everyone else? would it be so hard to forget all of these things and just be okay? i've tried so hard...but i am too tainted now. it's too late for normalcy. more than anything...i'm just sad.

don mclean: american pie
feeling stoned