i parked. i sat there and i smoked a cigarette. putting off work as long as possible. i looked in my rear view mirror and saw myself. and i wondered if everyone else sees me the way that i see me. because i was disgusted. i didn't understand how people could look at me and be okay with it.

and i think this all the time. and then katy tells me how kirra said i was really pretty. and how brianne tells her mom how cute i am. and the leers i get from random men. but i still think it. no matter what i look like. no matter how i change. i will always feel hideous.

because you told me once that i was.

rosie thomas: wedding day
feeling stoned