my mom and carin are up for the weekend. for the JMU football game. we went out to dinner tonight. and it felt so nice to be eating real food (i am so tired of eating crackers & kool-aid for every meal).

but i feel bad. i'm so sick. and i'm so fucking exhausted. i was sitting at dinner and my vision started to blur and i felt like i was going to pass out. my mom is disappointed that i'm not excited that she's here. that's not true. i'm just so drained that it hurts to smile.

she makes me feel so guilty. i don't think that's her intention. but it's the way i always feel around her. god, i hate it.

just let me survive this weekend & make this fever go away.