sometimes, i still feel like i am the four year old girl who is losing her father. whose life is changing. confusion. and poverty. and heartache. nothing ever the same again. goodbye house with the brown shutters and the fenced in back yard. goodbye summer days & the garden where red peppers grew.

but now i am the nineteen year old girl who isn't losing anything. whose life is still changing. and whose father died to her soon after he walked out the door. still confusion. still broke. still heartache. but now there's joy and hope. something that took fifteen years to obtain. but even joy & hope have consequences. sacrifice.

goodbye home and family. goodbye blue house. goodbye yellow room with my life attached to the walls. goodbye to everything i ever knew, and to everything i never wanted to know.

still, nothing ever the same again.