time passes and it tells us what we're left with. we become the things we do. me, i'm a fool, spent from defiance. yeah you got me, but i didn't give up on you --3eb

i had a really good day. my nephew came over. and i put him in the 'very hungry caterpillar' outfit i bought him. he looked so cute. it was good to hold him and see him smile and hear him laugh. i won't see him anytime soon. july maybe? he'll be so big then. and he won't remember me.

and i sat in the children's section of barnes & noble with one of my best friends. we sat on little chairs and we read kids books. it was exciting. i bought my best friend from school a hello kity uno set. because i knew she'd love it. and i knew she'd appreciate how childish it is.

i played a silly board game with the girl whose been my best friend for ten years. we did shots of southern comfort and listened to o.a.r and sang along. it felt like we were in high school again. i miss those times.

it's 2am now and i'm home. and i'm almost sad that i'm leaving saturday morning. i didn't make good use of my time here. i really felt that i couldn't. there was so much to do. and so much to deal with. i didn't get the chance to spend time with the people i wanted to be with most. and now it's too late...i won't be home again for a year.

you see, i decided that it was best for me not to come back this summer. there's no use. it'll just be the same problems. the same people. and more wasted time. i guess i wasn't kidding when i said i never wanted to come home again.

because...i'm not.

staind - epiphany
feeling tipsy