i talked to my dad online tonight. i always try to sign off as soon as he signs on. but i couldn't do it fast enough. so he started talking to me. this is my take on how the conversation went. hidden meanings and all.

dad: hey amanda, how are you doing away at school?

amanda: fine, considering i'm flat broke and you refuse to help me pay for any tuition, room & board, books or living expenses. oh, and thanks for buying my brother a computer when he doesn't need one after i flat out asked you to help me buy one.

dad: oh, that's great! so me and my crackwhore wife are remodeling our condo in myrtle beach. we had leftover money after the new convertable, truck, jet skis, and brand new house. i'm a stupid bastard and occasionally i feel guilty about it. so, if you want, you and a friend can stay in the condo for free over spring break.

amanda: gee thanks dad, that really makes up for all the pain you've caused me.

dad: yeh, i'm a great person aren't i?

amanda: no, no you're not. i have to go study for spanish so that i can pass it and eventually make something of myself despite your best efforts. bye bye.

tonic: take me as i am
feeling drugged